Good old hindsight, if only we knew then what we know now!
How many times I have muttered this phrase, so many times I have just wanted to invent a time machine go back and change things.
Unfortunately I don't own a DeLorean and I can't undo what has been done.
However if I had a chance to speak to the Kara of 2002 I would tell her you need to go back
on your meds and you need to see a doctor again.
You see I had a very destructive up bringing, I was abused on all levels and I lived in more houses than you've had hot dinners.
Partially due to this combined with brain chemistry I have bipolar disorder.
Looking back now I see 2002 was not a good year for me, i wasn't medicated and I wasn't under the care of a doctor or counsellor.
I was up, down, hot and cold that Jesse had a hard time following where I was at in the best of times.
Eventually I moved to back to Canberra which at the time I claimed was to help my mum but I think it was more because I wasn't dealing with my illness properly and in a manic episode I thought it was a good idea at the time.
After a short amount of time Jesse packed up all his belongings said goodbye to his family and moved to Canberra to follow me.
I have never properly said thank-you for this and I have never said sorry for the emotional rollercoaster I was that year.
My Jesse I thank-you that you were so willing to follow me, even though I know it wasn't what you wanted and I apologize that I was never really appreciative of it. I also apologize for that fact that I was so hot and cold.
